‘‘Help! My twin brothers scare off suitors’ (2)

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We conclude Cornelia’s story started last week. She is sad because of what Timothy and Thomas her twin elder brothers are doing to her, dictating the kind of husband she must have.

 “In fact, they are not helping matters in relation to suitors coming to ask for my hand in marriage. Now because of their great expectations from suitors who had been wooing me and the embargo they placed on me, they no longer come as before. I’m worried,” she bemoaned.

Cornelia had always been the gem of the family. “When I was born, I had always been the toast of the family. I had been loved and pampered. My twin brothers were always there, protecting me from any abuse one could think of. More so, they said I was the prettiest in the family, so I was loved. But they expected a lot more in return probably from men who were wooing me. That was how I grew up,” she recalled.

Now she is fed up with their over-protection and high expectations.

“Honestly, it’s no longer funny. My twin brothers are quick to condemn suitors who come to ask for my hand in marriage. Their yardstick has always been money. They were good at finding the kind of business they were into and how financially endowed they were. If they didn’t measure up, they were sent home rudely,” she said.

Her brothers were prying into her privacy.

“They were inquisitive to know my dates and who was taking me out and to where. And if my date is not rich, they would go behind me to issue a serious warning to him and that would be the end of the relationship as they were afraid to withstand the trouble of my brothers. I think I need my privacy. They should let me be, I want to be the one to choose who would be my husband and not my brothers. My parents are not even nosy over my affairs, it’s just my brothers. But with what is happening, I’m beginning to suspect that my parents are in support of what they are doing, if not they would have cautioned them. My father seems not to care, he only told me that, according to our tradition, that my elder brothers would be the one to accept my bride price and hand me over to my husband…that I should cooperate with them so that they would make things easier for me. My question is, how do I cooperate with them? These are people who are making life miserable for me. At times, they abuse men who come with good intention. The worst is that age is gradually ticking away. I’m 32 years old and you can imagine what would happen if my brothers continued this way until I hit 40!” she retorted.

Though her mother is prayerful, she said she is not comfortable with her method of prayers.

“Mama would shout and wake people up with her prayers. When my elder sister Elizabeth was about getting married, Mama invited both her friends and enemies to the marriage ceremony through her prayers. She would wake up at 4 a.m. when the whole village was calm and her voice would be heard by everyone. Now, she has started praying about me, telling God how she needed a grade-A suitor like the one her first daughter had. A suitor that would come and conclude the remaining things Uncle Akanna, my elder sister’s husband was yet to do. She would bind and destroy every poor suitor, ‘who had nothing to show he is a man except his trouser and manhood. My doors would never be opened for such a suitor. Holy ghost fire would make his ways slimy if at all he wants to come for my precious second daughter Cornelia’.

“I usually feel uncomfortable with her prayers and I had complained to her on several occasions never to mention my name in such prayers. But, she would not listen. My father didn’t see anything wrong with my mother’s method of praying. He would be answering amen in a low tune on his bed, while my mother would shout and shout. After which she would drink hot tea with lots of honey. Little wonder her voice has never failed her,” she said.

At 32, Cornelia, according to her, ought to be left alone to make her choice.

“Else, I would be forced to leave home for another town where I would stay with a friend. I had started planning this but somehow, I’m afraid of breaking the hearts of my loved ones who are of course members of my family. I had already discussed with my childhood friend who is staying in town and she said I should come. What pissed me off the more was that my two brothers came and told me that they had already mapped out the kind of business they would do with the bride price my suitor would bring. And that I should also follow the footstep of my elder sister Elizabeth whose husband is rich. Thomson’s voice is still etched in my memory. ‘You know you are beautiful, so make good use of this beauty by bringing a good suitor home. I think you saw what Auntie Elizabeth did: how her husband came in and elevated Papa’s status. Today, Papa is a car owner and chief. And he has extra cash to take care of himself and Mama. We are expecting you to do the same. Even the villagers would be expecting such a suitor too for you. So, don’t disappoint us’.

“That was the kind of advice that infuriated me. Must I marry the kind of man my sister married? Do we have the same destiny? If they continue this way, I would be forced to leave the village and I’m serious about this decision.

• Readers, what do you think Cornelia should do? Leave her village and relocate to another town, and perhaps bring her choice of man home and force her parents to accept him?

RE: 'MY TWIN BROTHERS SCARE OFF SUITORS'

Dear Cornelia,

I deduce from your story that poverty reigns in your family, you still live in the village, in your family house.  Your parents were not able to send any of you to the university. You are currently not working, your parents and twin brothers depend so much on the bride price and the wealth of their prospective son-in-laws.  You are currently 32 and all the suitors coming to you are being scared and embarrassed by your twin brothers.

I would advise you to relocate to another town, get a job and also be free to make your choice of the man, you want to marry.  If your parents and brothers reject, consult your uncle and Pastor.  If all fails and you are convinced that your choice is appropriate, let your man deposit the bride price to your father's bank account and also add more money for incidental expenses.  Retain evidence of the deposit and the purpose.  Thereafter, go to the Marriage Registry with a few friends, have your marriage and notify your parents accordingly.

In addition, do not go to them, they will eventually look for you.  However, you must carry your parent in-laws along.   At 32 you are overripe for marriage, before menopause sets in.

PATRICK ADIASOR

SURULERE, LAGOS

08033452087

Cordelia,

You require very serious deliverance prayers. It’s time to put your faith to test. Do maraton prayers for devine mercies and favours. Let a man of God guide in your prayers. Your people’s crave for money should not leave you single. Let God fight for you.

Apeji Patience Eneyeme.

Badagry

07044445550.

Cornelia

Your story sounds like an Igbo environment or culture where suitors pay bride price as if they are buying an article in the market. Not too good for such women as they are treated as property rather than helpmate, other half, wife etc. The love or marriage is therefore not secured or guaranteed. No to monetisation but yes to true love. Let your people know that you need to marry for true love and not necessarily money. The excessive love for money is the root of all evils. You may relocated and folllow your mind. Be prayerful.

Apeji Onesi.

Lagos.

08060504740.