‘I regret marrying my mum’s boyfriend’ (2)

This is the concluding part of Ignatius and Veronica’s story started last week. The duo never courted nor dated before knotting the tie. When he eventually proposed marriage to Veronica in her second year in the university, it was a shocker to Veronica herself,  Philomena her mother and Cecilia, Veronica’s younger sister.

Reason she was shocked was because “I used to see him visit my mum, a widow, whose husband died when she was 50, then I was barely 12 and depended so much in my mum. She had nobody to help raise me and my younger sister who was five when papa died. So, while she struggled to raise us, he was her customer. My younger sister and I used to call him Uncle Ignatius. He was always coming to patronize my mum because she used to run a canteen just opposite the place where he walked. He would come twice before the close of work and at times forgo his change for my mother,” she recalled.

Even when he was transferred to Lagos to head a construction company as an engineer, he took Philomena and her two daughters along. “He rented an apartment for my mother and he was residing in the company’s quarters but he was always with us. He sponsored my education to the university level. I could remember when I wanted to collect money to buy JAMB form, I first went to his office and I was told he was on leave. I then headed to his house and saw Mama in his house cooking in his kitchen. She had stayed out of house for three days and told me she was in the church getting prepared for women’s celebration that used to come once in a year. I wasn’t happy that I saw her there. When I asked why she hadn’t visited us to see how my younger sister and I were fairing, she only said she knew we were alright. That she needed to be closer to Uncle Ignatius who had been helpful to us. I understood her and didn’t press her any further. I knew they were dating because the closeness was something else. Mum, a beautiful woman, tried to reciprocate his kind gestures and Uncle Ignatius who was happily sponsoring my younger sister and I in school didn’t remember he was ripe to get married. He was in his late 30s until when I was in second year in the university,” she recalled.

His choice of wife shocked Philomena and her two daughters. “When he proposed marriage to me was on my birthday. I was surprised the way he took it on himself to make me happy. He came over our house and mum a good cook had cooked. He brought drinks and cake. It was a small celebration of a sort but it was indeed important to me because the last birthday I had was the one that happened the same year my dad passed away. So, I invited some of my friends who came and celebrated with me. We took some shots together and my favourite songs blasted through the speakers. When it was time for us to make a toast, it was Uncle Ignatius that made the toast. He first prayed for me and thanked God for giving my mum the strength to pull through all her challenges when Papa died. He prayed so well that everybody was touched. I was shocked he could pray so well because you hardly see him in the church but he loved to read Bible and Christian journals from different authors and pastors a whole lot. When everybody chorused amen, we clicked our wine glasses and drank happily,” she reminisced.

When every guest had left, the house was tidied up and dishes  washed, “Uncle Ignatius was still there. He ought to have gone home because it was getting late. He never slept in our house before, not even for the first time. So, we knew he would leave, no, matter how late it was. When I was about going in to have my shower, he called me. My mum was seated including my younger sister. That was when he brought out a small box that had a ring inside. I never knew what he was about doing, it never occurred to me. I was shocked when he knelt down and asked me to be his wife. That I was 22 and wasn’t too young to do so. And that we wouldn’t get married almost immediately until I got to my third year in the university. I looked at him and saw how curious he was, how his heart pounded. I looked at my mum, she smiled and nodded meaning that I should accept him. I then looked at my kid sister, she covered her mouth with her two hands as she was fond of doing anytime she was embarrassed and giggled. I couldn’t remove my gaze from Cecilia my kid sister until she said something. ‘Hey Big Sis, are you sure you are ripe for marriage now? If you agree to marry him, what happens to Mama? Well, if Mama is okay with this, then don’t refuse Uncle Ignatius, he has been kind to us,’ she said, still giggling. At that, I stretched my left hand to him and he slipped his ring into my third finger. Mama and Cecilia clapped,” she enthused.

Ignatius and Veronica got married a year after their engagement. “I was happy, my mother was happy including my younger sister. I continued calling him Uncle Ignatius though he said I should be calling him a pet name, but I was used to that and he never objected. He too continued calling me Ada Philo as he was used to and I never objected as well. When we got married, we moved from the house he was staying to a bigger one and still took my mum along. My mum was residing in the boys quarters while my husband and I lived in the main house, a duplex. My younger sister was staying in the guest house but she wasn’t  always around. She was in a university, doing a pre degree course while I was doing my youth service. But I felt unsafe leaving my husband and my mum together while I was away. I feared because they had dated before but I still have little doubts if mum at 60 something could still be having sex. My younger sister had told me to send Mama back to village but ensure I make provisions for her there  so that she would not lack anything. When I suggested this to Uncle Ignatius my husband, he refuted that idea vehemently. When I asked Mama to leave for village, she nearly cursed me that I wanted to send her to village where witches and wizards including  enemies of progress would kill her. But I know  I was trying to make my marriage work. Mama is the one that dictates what happens in my home and my husband listens to her. She insists that none of my husband’s relatives visits us and over stays his/her welcome, and that includes my mother- in- law.  And my husband did not frown at that. I still suspect something may still be happening between them. There was no need asking my mother about that because she even denied it at first when they were doing it secretly. But somehow, I doubt that at mid 60s, can she still be sexually active? I’m beginning to regret marrying a man who respects, loves and cherishes my mum more than me his wife,” she said.

Readers, what do you think?

Re:’ I’m suffering for marrying the wrong man’

Dear Gloria,

I read your story and I must say your story is very pathetic. But I pray that God gives you a miracle and turn your daughter’s genotype to AA. And heal your hubby too. There is nothing God cannot do.

08060057693

Dear Gloria,

 You are not suffering for marrying Derrick, because you had mutual love, except that your parents were vehemently against the union, though they reluctantly gave their consent.  You already have two children, you are working but unfortunately your husband is a psychiatric patient, probably due to hard drugs.  He was repatriated from Australia due to his health condition.  The issue of genotype is another risk factor.

Gloria I believe your story, because I also hail from Ibusa and understand our tradition and culture.  I would advise you to pray and strive to locate Derrick, so that he could return to the hospital for proper rehabilitation and ensure that he takes his drugs.  He will definitely live a normal life.  In addition, try to contact your in-laws for assistance towards his rehabilitation. Finally, discuss with your Pastor and send prayer request, I believe that God will intervene in your favour.  You  may wish to contact me, as I regard you as a daughter.

PATRICK ADIASOR

SURULERE, LAGOS