If one is a widow, it is very painful my dear. Is it the loneliness alone? It is killing-late Gani Fawehimni's widow

‘If I should relive my life, I’d love to be Gani’s wife’

Every woman is fashionable. It is either you choose to follow vogue or you stick to your own style, provided you feel good in it. That was what Ganiyat Fawehinmi, the first widow of the late legendary lawyer, Chief Gani Fawehimni (SAN), said  in her Ikeja home, during the launch of Faw Couture, a contemporary menswear clothing line, which belongs to her son, Saheed.

She stepped out in a simple but nice, white dress that had glittering sequence on the bodice and sleeves, with a clutch bag of the same concept to pep up her dress. When asked to define her style, she was indeed in her right element as she smiled, using the right fashion words: "I believe style should be personal. I don't copy sheepishly what others are wearing. I don't slip into any style that would reveal vital parts of my body. My style is simple but classic. I prefer to wear something that I feel comfortable in. Don't you see what I'm wearing?" She asked, spreading her hands and showing off her style.

"My son, Saheed, actually bought this dress for me with a clutch bag designed with the concept of same fabric. But the only mistake is that the shoes he bought are somehow bigger than my feet. That is why I'm wearing this simple slippers. But that is okay, I think I look good," she said, giggling.

But when the late Chief Fawehinmi married her at 19, her style was completely different from what it is now.  "Actually when I was much younger, I used to wear mini a lot. That was my late husband's choice. Each time we travelled out of the country, he used to pick dresses for me. When he chose for me, I would accept without objection. He loved dresses that would show my legs. He loved dresses that I would look smart in. Then we were much younger. I was 19 and he was 24. Then I was like his secretary. Some people didn't know I was his wife. Then people used to say to him, 'Gani, can I have a few words with your secretary?' He would just laugh. I could remember whenever we travelled out of the country, he would buy things for me in multiple...like four pairs of shoes, and that time I used to put on trousers a lot. At times, he would buy trousers and mini-skirts. He taught me how to mix and match my styles. He said I could use one blouse for a skirt, then also use it for another trouser. He taught me how to dress well because he too was a power dresser. Everybody knew he was a good dresser when he was either going to work or going to party, but unfortunately he wasn't socialising much at that time," she recalled.

But for someone married to a man who was not socialising much at a time, was she not missing ballroom parties and social events?

"I was not missing parties or any social event because with him there was no dull moment. He kept me busy at home. Whenever he was not in court, we were always together. He was not attending many social events because he concentrated more on me. I was barely 19 years old when he married me. Some would say I was too young for marriage. But mind you, age has nothing to do with maturity. At that time, my husband said I was mature. I think it was the grace of God that saw me through because I got married when I didn't know what marriage meant. With the way he showered love on me, I thought marriage was the best thing on earth; until when I started hearing ugly stories about marriage from other married women,  I said my own wasn't like that," she enthused.

Her husband is no more but she takes solace in her children.

"My children make me happy. I thank God for their lives. God has been able to see us through and they are all doing well in their various professions," she nodded.

It is common to see Nigerian women regret their sex because of some cultures and traditions that relegate women to the background. But this woman is not like that. She is proud to be a Nigerian woman, no regrets about that.

"I have never regretted being a woman because God wanted me to be one; that was why he made me a woman and I don't blame him for that. I enjoy every bit of being a woman. If I had to relive my life, I would still love to be a woman. I'm not saying Nigeria is a good place now. I have criticised the government several times but I am proud to be a Nigerian because this is where God wants me to be. If He had wished I became a Briton, it wouldn't have been difficult for Him. But that does not rule out the fact that I feel pretty bad when I read about innocent people dying due to  Insurgency. This means that so many parents are childless because of this. Many have become widows because of the insurgency and it is not easy to be a widow. I am lucky in my own case because I have something to live on. There are some widows who wake up, not knowing where their next meal would come from. Some have no roof over their heads. I feel for them,” she stated.

To young widows who long to remarry, she has some words: “There is nothing wrong in remarrying. Even old widows who feel like remarrying should go ahead; why not? If one is a widow, it is very painful my dear. Is it the loneliness alone?  It is killing. It is my children that keep me going. They are always around me. My grand children are always all over me.  Else, loneliness alone can kill a widow. When people were saying it before my husband died, I didn't understand them until it happened to me. I feel for all widows and I pray that the good Lord would meet them at their point of need. God would always provide for them because in the Bible, God said he is the husband of the widows." When she is down, she reads the Bible and sings religious songs to derive some inspiration.

"Apart from that, I call my children, both those in Nigeria and those abroad to chat with on the phone. By the time they chat with me, my spirit would be elevated," Ganiyat explained.

Does she still miss the late Chief Fawehinmi? She answered immediately: "Oh yes, I still miss him. It is a thing of the spirit really. You know, someone you have lived with for years, for instance in my own case four decades, and almost every time we were together except when he was at work in his office. But when I was younger, I was going to work with him. I would be typing his script at times for him. At times in the wee hours of the morning he would wake me up and say an idea just occurred to him that I should please take it down. I would wake up and start writing so that the idea wouldn’t escape from his memory. In the morning, I would take it to the office for them to type and bring back home for correction. I was his wife and secretary, yes, untrained secretary," she said, amidst laughter.

"If reincarnation is real, I would still be his wife," she said. "Yes, if I would have to live all over again, I would still love to be Gani’s wife. I enjoyed every bit of him. I wouldn't say he was perfect but he was a wonderful man. His (our) children still miss him and I know his spirit is very much around us," she said nostalgically.

By ADAEZE AMOS