Barbara Soky: My regrets as an actress

'Honestly, stardom is a problem'

Take a closer look at her picture, do you recognize her? Barbara Soky, the screen diva of the 80s, who hit stardom at a very young age. She featured in two popular soaps, ‘Ripples’ and ‘Mirror in the Sun’.  Barbara, in this interview with Adaeze Amos, reveals that stardom brings loneliness as there is no one to confide in. She counsels the young generation of actresses to beware of deception, among others.

Some actresses usually say if the pay is right, they wouldn’t mind acting nude. What’s your opinion on this?

It is ignorance and desperation to make money. We would also not remove the age factor. Most of them are young. We do know that young people show youthful exuberance. That is when the love of a family comes to play a vital role because as a youth, there is tendency for you to stray. Maybe because of peer group pressure, but the love in your family pulls you. Such a love is power. Stardom is a burden, a problem on its own. Once you become a star, you are exposed. Imagine when one is exposed in a world so cruel and cold. That is where the problem comes from. What you have next around you is deception, slander, blackmail, envy and jealousy. These would become the devils that you would have to deal with. You would not find a true love.

Does this mean to say that stardom is problematic?

Yes! This is very shocking but it is the truth. It is the wrong people that come around you for different motives. Real and genuine love cannot come. It is worse when stardom and fame come to you at a young age, because the way a young person would handle fame is not the way a mature person would. Now, I refer to that age-period as foolish time because at that time you are young and gullible. The bitter part of it is that you can hardly see who is right because the wrong ones surround you. There might just be a good friend somewhere but I think 95 per cent of the people around you are not the people that should be there for you. A child’s stardom is worst. When you begin to age, gracefully, your experiences become blessings. Each experience now becomes knowledge. You can now handle the issue of deception and intimidation to a reasonable extent. If fame is not well managed, it becomes destruction because most stars have suffered such a pain. It is even deadlier in this part of the world because you are dealing with a society which perception is not receptive. That is why I still maintain the fact that stardom is a problem. Imagine the issue of gossip, falsehood and rumour that are inherent in stardom? People take advantage of it. A lot of stars had committed suicide, leaving all the money and the fame behind because it gets to a point where the money and fame mean nothing to you anymore, at the expense of your peace and joy.

Don’t you think if you had amassed much money, you wouldn’t have felt the effect of blackmail and slander?

You are right! Money helps because with money, you can have security around you. You can live in a beautiful mansion, have choice cars, wear designer clothes. Money cushions a lot of pain. But even at that, now think of it the other way round without the comfort, fame is pain. Now, you are expected to be a smiling, nice and polite person, but nobody knows the shoe that you wear where it pinches. Unease lies the head that wears the crown. The most painful side is that of betrayals and falsehood. Do you know when I now look back, I realise it was the closest people that hurt me the most? How then can you find a confidant when you are exposed? It hurts most when you realise that you are on your own at last.

How would you counsel the young ones in the same profession?

For the sake of the young ones, it is one thing to say you don’t have good advisers, it is another to adhere to the good advice. If someone is a star, along the line, there would still be a good person in your life. Either as an aunty, an uncle or a good Samaritan in your church. It’s one thing to have someone tell you the truth and another thing not to listen. Young people have the habit of not listening. If that is what is happening to you, watch it, because people may want to deceive you to your death. They would push you to the road of destruction; that’s the truth. First of all, nothing works without God. You need the love of God because I do not know of any outsider that can tell you the truth, except on a few occasions that you may meet a very good person that would be able to advise you.

What is your advice to actresses who do lewd roles because of money?

For this generation, it is all about money. Money has always been a problem right from creation. People do crazy things for money and it keeps getting worse. Some are so materialistic that they can kill for money. That is why a young girl that is beautiful would not hesitate to pull off her clothes for money. She thinks it is okay. How many people are willing to wait and make money genuinely? They have seen their peers riding choice cars. They did not care to find out how these people made such money. This generation baffles me, to say the least. Because everybody is doing it, you want to do it! Do you know what anybody else is doing? All you do is that you see them in their beautiful cars, live in big mansions and wear beautiful clothes. You just follow without asking questions. I’m happy that wisdom always comes at the tail end. That is why it is called wisdom because you need to gather the experiences. My prayer is that these experiences would not kill you. One day you would be gone. We all have a date with the Lord, that someday you would go; so what would you leave?

Everyone has one regret or the other, what’s yours?

My regret today is wrong association! There are people you ought not to associate with. Wrong association is the bomb that can send you to hell. If you associate wrongly, you’ll go to the wrong direction. Even in age, you may not realise you are going the wrong way. There is a word the Yoruba call ‘Agbaya’. Even in age, some people over the years refuse to learn. I thank God that I learned.

What did you lose through stardom?

I don’t know what I lost but I know what I gained. I was young when I hit stardom and so many things were happening around me. All I had was the love of God and the love of my home. Can you imagine being an idol to millions of people and you are not happy? All I had apart from God was basically my mum. She was there for me. She is my best friend because she would tell me how it is. She would tell me and I know it is true. We had our differences sometimes, argued over things but I know she is always right. Many things were happening around me and I knew I was breaking inside. I knew I needed something but I couldn’t put my fingers to it. Many things were happening; I just had to cry unto the Lord because I needed peace that fame was denying me. At that point in time, every other thing could go to hell because I needed a relationship with God. It is only in your quiet moment that you could hear the voice of God because His voice is soft and subtle. You hardly hear Him when you are in the crowd. You go with the crowd, you get destroyed. The crowd has nothing good to offer . I withdrew from the crowd so that I could hear the voice of the Lord and get the best from Him. When I heard Him, he said to me, ‘go to the wilderness’. My peace was more important to me because even with all the money and you didn’t have peace, it was equal to nothing. Little wonder the Bible says, ‘what does a man gain if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?’ There is time when you need something higher than everything material. Let me tell you one thing you may not know: stars are the most lonely people. What you see most often is the glamour and the fame.

Why are stars, with all the fame and glamour, lonely?

It is all about trust; there is no one to trust, no one to confide in. That is why somehow along the line, if they can’t handle loneliness, they take to drugs. Some even commit suicide. Honestly, stardom is a problem. When stardom comes, you begin to learn how to deal with what people would say because they would definitely talk!

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