Ex-Commissioner Ekiti state, Eniola Ajayi, to ladies:Don’t be desperate to get married

'As women, we are not prone to struggle or fight for stuff'

Dr Eniola Ajayi, an Ocular Pathologist, Optometrist and "a servant of the public. I had the opportunity to serve Ekiti State as Commssioner in two different portfolios. Firstly, as Honourable Commissioner for Education Science and Technology, and secondly as Honourable Commissioner for Environment," she said.

This woman of substance admires women who dream big. These are women who make positive efforts to get to the height they desire in life and who do not allow their sex to deter them from making reasonable contributions to the society.

Hence, she suggests that government can be of help to such women if more space or quota could be created for them, so that they can contribute to betterment of the society.

“One of the ways the dreams of women can come true or be accomplished in our society is to do a deliberate quota more or less for them. That means setting out spaces for them within the political spheres, the academia and what have you,” she said.

Buttressing her point, she said, “It is more like making room for women to come in and deliver because the competition is usually very tough. It’s not because the womenfolk are not capable, but as women, we are not prone to struggle or fight for stuff. When the terrain gets too tough or very hot, the natural inclination of a woman is to pull back. But when men make deliberate spaces available for them, then women would be easily empowered that way.”

Fondly referred to as ‘the iron lady of Ekiti State’, Dr Ajayi asserted that women should be included whenever rightful decisions are being made in every facet of life so that they too could make meaningful contributions.

“The other one is what I call the inclusion. It is what you know about that you can participate in. If you are left out, there is no way you can make any contribution. But if you are included, then you would have a space to have a say. When you have a say, the people would have the opportunity to know what you are able to offer,” she said.

 If that be the case, how about women whose husbands frown at their wives’ participation or inclusion in things that would enable them achieve their dreams in life?

“I would advise that women should make meaningful decisions with their spouses before marriage else that may hinder them from getting to their dream targets in life. I won’t also forget to say that the thing about husband and wife relationship is that it starts from the beginning. If you are in a relationship where your husband doesn’t really allow you, even when you were his girlfriend or when he was courting you, then you can’t hope that things would change in future. The kind of arrangement you should make before you go into marriage depends on what you want from it. If you want a husband for the sake of being called a Mrs, then whatever you find in the process is your making. But if you negotiate and agree on a level playing field, then you can have your say within marriage,” she asserted. 

But can such negotiations be possible when, perhaps, a lady is in her late 30s or early 40s and she is desperate to settle down?

“You shouldn’t be desperate to get married because if you are desperate, you would come out desperately,” she counselled. 

Then to some women who have petty jealousies that hinder them from getting closer to those that are succeeding in life so as to learn one or two things from them, she has some words. “It is exposure that can really help to curb petty jealousy among such women. When we exposed ourselves, allow for freedom to look at things objectively, we won’t need to be jealous about anybody. Because everybody, no matter your level in life, has your own challenge,” she emphasised.

Is Nigeria not a male-dominated society where there is the feeling that a woman cannot get to the height of being the president of the country? Dr Ajayi disagreed with this notion. She said sex doesn’t make any difference.

“I know that we live in a male-dominated society, but it doesn’t matter your sex or what anybody feels. What matters really is what the fact of the case is. At a time in the United States of America, for instance, nobody could dream of a fact that a black man could become the American President. But because Barrack Obama knew how to navigate the top and how to stay the curve, he became the first black person to be President of the United States," she said.

With this, Dr Ajayi left a few words of encouragement to women. “I want us to keep the pace, never lose hope and always be focused. With that, the sky would not even limit us,” she added.